A long time coming.

Recently, I have started making decisions based on MY needs and wants, rather than the needs and wants of others. You’d think this would be something I’ve already been doing, but that would be a lie.

It started in September. I made the choice to have the best month of my year so far, and I did. I went to the concerts I wanted to see, bought what I wanted to buy, had girls night when I wanted to, and read books for hours…just because I wanted to. When October came, the old feeling of dread started to creep up on me, and for a few minutes I almost let it take me over again.

But it never did.

I stopped holding on to what had gripped me so tightly during the summer, and I think I knew all along that my hold couldn’t last forever. I just let go, felt the rush of falling, the fear of the unknown below me….and nothing bad happened. It was like my personal safety net had been in place all along, but I had grown so accoustomed to not trusting it, I was shocked by how intact it was. Intact and buoyant.

Trusting yourself is a luxury that so many people never get to expierience, and I am constantly reminded of the power that trust creates, and the good things that come from it. So cliche, so silly…so true.

This morning I read an article from The Frisky, and it really struck home with me. In talking about her “single life do-overs”, the author says this:

“Every time a guy let me down, I worried I was one step closer to living my life ALONE forever, rather than seeing it as one step closer to the guy who finally WOULDN’T let me down.”

This revelation has been years in coming for me, and it’s only when I took a step back (and allowed myself some happiness of my own design), that I finally realized what I knew all along.

Life goes on.

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