“Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head.”
That is one of my favorite quotes, and not because of how true it is, but because of how impossibly real it is.
Every single day, I do something I’d rather not do, I say things I shouldn’t say, and I definitely make things harder than they need to be because of the stupid rules I create for myself in my head. Those rules have stopped my life dead in its tracks so many times, and it really is like I’ve held a gun to my own head.
I am so impossibly Meredith from Grey’s Anatomy when she says:
“Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”
I almost wish I could call myself a masochist for actually believing that, but I can’t, because I am nowhere close to that. It is possible that I am just crazy, or attention seeking (which wouldn’t make sense because I only “voice” these thoughts here, and who really reads this anyway?)…
This entry is going nowhere.
Can this week be over already?