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I had the craziest moment last night, the kind where my head spun around all Exorcist style, and my mind didn’t stop working until hours later when I finally fell asleep.
I (literally) just realized that in less than 48 hours, the end of an entire DECADE will be upon us. That completely blows my mind, because I hadn’t thought of it that way, and now I feel compelled to reflect on the last ten years of my life. Not only has it been the most significant ten years of my existence, but the end comes at a time in my life where I could SWEAR that I am finally leveling out and becoming a “real” adult.
ugh, reflection. It’s what I do:)
To say that I’ve changed, well, that would be understating things a bit. My father and I actually get along now, and I can appreciate the way he loved me when I was a crazy teenager with crazy moodswings. His constant support in my life has been the greatest blessing, especially these last four years, and I know that I am incredibly fortunate.
In ten years, I have loved passionately and have ended relationships. I graduated high school, did some time in college, and found my “calling” as a Starbucks barista:) I have spent three wonderful months in California, running barefoot around the mountains, doing art with small children, and making lifelong friends. I have doubted the existence of god, and have since came to a point where I realized it was impossible to doubt. I have wanted to die, so much that I wished for it daily, and have also wanted to LIVE so badly that I moved across the country just so that I could.
In ten years, I’ve gone from living in a room at my parents house, to having my own apartment in my own name. I have a couch, a couple televisions, dishes, bath towels, my own food in my own kitchen, and MY pictures hanging on the walls. I’m not sure where I envisioned myself as an adult, but where I am seems pretty damn good. I have lived three thousand miles away from “home” for over four years now, been through the emotional roller coaster several times, and have had several set-backs in my quest for my own life.
I would do it again.
I’ve learned the value of true friendship, how distance and years can’t change what is real, and that my self worth isn’t defined by how someone else sees me. I have fought hard for what I believe, turned my back on what I don’t, and become someone I can truly LIKE. I now know that loving myself comes before anything else, and how satisfying it is to love someone else deeply and passionately. These ten years have taken me from an insecure self loathing girl, to a strong and incredibly loving woman.
The passage of time is a wonderful thing. A constant thing.
I’m excited for this year, because for me, it’s big for so many reasons. This year is mine and only mine:)
Love you guys.