I got a real lesson in being an adult today, one that I’m still going to struggle with even when the workday is through.

I was offered the job.

The one I applied for and didn’t think twice about until they called. The one I really really wanted, until I realized that I would have to quit BOTH of my jobs and move to Seattle, or make the treacherous morning commute every single day. The one that made me excited and thrilled that they would even consider me for a field that I have no experience in. Knowledge is like a drug to me, so you can imagine how high I was at the possibility of learning something new.

In a few hours, I am going to decline the offer.

I wasn’t ready for the sadness that would wash over me at the thought of leaving both my jobs. I wasn’t anticipating the way my head started to swell at the idea of commuting every single day, or even the idea of packing up my apartment and moving to Seattle. I will move to Seattle this year, but not this month or next. The simple fact is, I’m just not ready for all these changes all at once. I might have to work 50+ hours a week, but I am happy. Even if I do feel a little guilty and selfish for having TWO jobs and being offered a third, and declining it.

So that is where I am today. Making adult decisions, and knowing that either way, I lose something.

Passion over Consequence. Always.