What I’ve always wanted, and what I’ve always needed, I never got.

I didn’t fit that mold; the badass bitch, the high heel wearing girl who could drink like the boys, I was never that girl. And I wanted to be.

For him.

I wanted to show him that I could do anything, be anything he wanted and needed, and even things he never knew he could have. I wanted to be everything to him, and still, I lost. I lost myself, I lost him, and I lost out. On what, I’m not so sure of anymore…but I lost just the same.

(authors note: I wrote this a month ago and never posted it. I don’t know why I feel compelled to now, but maybe it’s because I know that everything is changing again. Changing for the better, moving forward, not looking back. I can only say that I will be forever grateful for that man, because he IS a man. He taught me very valuable things, and without him, I wouldn’t be me. He showed me what it meant to be a strong woman, who stood by her man out of LOVE and not fear of being alone. So whatever happens now, and in the months and years to come, I will be forever thankful and grateful for that man. I will love him still, regardless, unconditionally.)