Choices.

“Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That’s the important choice…”

Oh, finales. The best and worst part of any season of anything, and wow. Grey’s Anatomy did not waste a second.

I wound up crying in my bed, tears pouring down my cheeks, emotions running high. It was an intense night, and one that I haven’t forgotten all morning.

Choices. So many choices every single day, and I barely think about them. What to wear? When to leave for work? Do I need to call my dad? Did I forget to put something on my grocery list? What time am I meeting Jessica tonight? What should I wear? When am I supposed to get my oil changed this weekend? I don’t think about simple things like those, I just act. I make things happen, and get on with life.

In the face of death though, none of that matters. Nothing trivial will ever matter in the face of death, when you’re forced to really examine your life and your contributions to the world. It really pulled everything into the light last night, the idea that my time is actually limited, and I found myself crying for more reasons other than Grey’s Anatomy.

I am so blessed.

I have amazing friends, an amazing job, a cute apartment, and the most supportive family I could ask for. The thought that I could take any of that for granted is enough to bring tears to my eyes, and going further, that I could lose any of that in the blink of an eye…it brings out emotions that are so much more powerful. I want to be married, I want to have babies, I want to continue to love with all of my soul invested in another person who is giving me the same.

I choose to live.

“Am I okay?”

“Yeah you’re okay…you’re alive.”

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