in Wonderland. On repeat.

Last year:

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”

What I’ve realized recently is that nothing can be rushed. It might eventually fall under that catagory of Things I’m Learning at Twenty Five, but for now, it doesn’t.

I am not looking for my happiness in anyone but myself, because that was my biggest mistake in the beginning. My career goals are the driving force right now, followed by everything else that I’ve set out to do for my life. It might be lonely at times, but I am slowly figuring out that I had the answers all along, and I was too afraid to ask the right questions. People are always afraid to ask themselves those questions.

Nothing can be rushed. Even that little piece of knowledge.

—-

Today:

Oh, it’s another Monday. I have been neglecting this blog, a little on purpose, a little not. So here is the lowdown on life at the moment:

-I have been really sick lately. Not the outwardly “I am going to infect you, can’t stop coughing” sick, but something entirely different. I keep joking about having a brain tumor, and how my self diagnosis is spot on because of how much Grey’s Anatomy I watch…but I am actually a little nervous about what is actually wrong. I am constantly dizzy, constantly feeling that weirdness right before motion sickness should kick in, and being a passenger in a car is becoming difficult. I have gone to the doctor, but it’s all starting to feel strange and dreamlike. I don’t feel like they have answers that satisfy me.

-Work has been WORK. I feel like it’s an interesting game to try and figure out people and their communicating styles, and one that I am not always skilled at playing. This business is teaching me a lot though, and I am incredibly grateful for the chance to learn. Even if I do feel out of my league sometimes.

-I’ve been looking at apartments in Seattle for quite some time now. The commute is starting to get to me, but it’s only on the ride home that I feel it. My lease isn’t up until July, and even then, I’m not sure I’m really ready to live in the city on my own. I love Seattle, and I like living alone, but those two things don’t go hand in hand to me. I’d rather have a roommate, so we’ll see what my options are as this gets closer.

-My “personal” life is right where it should be. I am neither unhappy nor completely “blissed out”, and it’s mostly due to the fact that we’re comfortable now. We’re both adults with our own lives, friends, apartments, and we both respect that about each other. I think I choose to keep this part more private because of how real our relationship is. I could talk all day long about relationships in the past, but this feels more personal and protected, so I’ll stop now.

-I should get this Monday started. Until next time Blog, I love you.

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