Well, my car needs a new battery, something that I’ve known for a few weeks now and keep trying to push off. It became highlighted this morning when I was already running late, stopped to get gas, and then couldn’t start my car because I’d left the door open for under two minutes and the battery died.
It was actually kind of funny, because what else can it be? On such a beautiful morning, with a long commute ahead of me, my car was dead and I was trying to get someone to help me jump it while wearing heels. I couldn’t help but laugh a little, so, hello Summer.
I’ve been meaning to write about an issue (an ongoing issue) for quite awhile now, but I keep holding back because of the reaction it could get. The person, or subsequent “people”, involved will probably never read this, but I still find it difficult to put into words. I suppose it all stems from one important fact: I do not understand other girls. It’s a fairly typical “girl” thing for me to say, because all girls want to think they’re “different” and “not like other girls”, but for the purpose of this entry let’s just say that they are them, and I am me.
It’s been an issue my entire life, and one that I have been actively trying to change since I moved here. I really do want girlfriends, and I really do want to have those bonding moments and girl talks, but I’ve found those relationships to be…difficult. I didn’t grow up with a mother, and my sisters were always clear across the country. Girls didn’t really like me in high school, and though I had a few good friends, I don’t talk to ANY of them now. Over the years, I have formed deep bonds with several wonderful women, but we have (and will continue to have) those relationships where we don’t talk often and see each other rarely. I think I have always been okay with this, because those girls (Monica included!) that I do hold close to me are so special and so amazing that those friendships are worth the distance and paths of life.
Yeah, I’m getting to the “problem” here…
I just honestly wish, that at twenty six years old, I had more girl friends. Girls who live close, girls who actually want to get out and DO something, girls who “get it”. My current roommate, who was such a good friend when we moved in together, has just disappeared off the face of the earth. She’s been staying next door (literally right next door) instead of staying where her bed is. At first I let it go, because her mother lives next door, and I figured that they were just “that” close. Who am I to judge that kind of relationship? But as the months have passed, and our lease is coming up in just a few weeks, her absence has become a sore spot. April and May were really rough months for me, but I think I saw her twice during that time, even though she knew what was going on and how low I was feeling. It just made me wonder if I had really exaggerated our friendship, and if we were really as close as I had thought.
Looking back, I suppose I let myself feel close to someone who never really cared, which is really sad.
The reality is, I’m happy alone, but I am happier when surrounded by love and trust. I’m happy when I’m surrounded by friends, and happiest when those friends are girls. I’ve just had some bad luck picking friends over the years, and I’m bummed to see the evidence of this once again.
Okay, I got it out, and now I’m moving on. Just checked my horoscope for today:)
Don’t worry if you’re suddenly less interested in your social life and more concerned with your inner life. Today the Sun kicks off its annual month-long visit to the emotional sign of Cancer. This is doubly intense for you because Cancer rules your intimate eighth house. Time to process the feelings you usually brush away. If you are grieving a loss, this is the time to let your emotions flow, and get the support you need. Explore mystical teachings that connect mind, body and spirit. Think: yoga, energy work, meditation. You’ll crave one-on-one time as well as alone time, but you need to take a breather from big crowds.