This year, one of the things on my list to do while I’m twenty six is to apologize to someone who deserves it. I’ll be honest, I am not the best at admitting when I am wrong, and I really wanted to make a point of apologizing to someone I haven’t been so nice to.

This is probably going to earn me some asshole points, but I don’t really care. Because the thing is, I hate being wrong, but I always apologize to people when they deserve it. I don’t let situations continue, because I also hate that unsettling feeling of lingering conflict. So I can’t think of anyone I need to apologize to, except myself.

Yep, that’s right (asshole points?), I am apologizing to myself.

Inspired by this post by one of my favorite people on Twitter, I really wanted to spend a few minutes saying sorry. And crossing another thing off my list.

Dear Cass,

I am sorry for your teenage years. The years where we just couldn’t listen to your parents at all, and ending up sneaking out all the time for no real reason. Remember that night in the middle of winter, where it was about ten degrees outside and you were riding your bike at 2am, trying to prove a point that you could just do what you wanted whenever you wanted? Yeah, I’m sorry for that. Bless that sweet lady who stopped on the side of the road to pick us up, and drive us home.

I am sorry that you begged Molly and her friend to bleach your dark hair. Fourteen was a tough age to be, but that doesn’t excuse being able to see you from four blocks away at night because you hair was so bright. We haven’t used ‘Frost n’ Glow’ since then, have we?

I’m sorry for all those years you spent not being able to look people in the eye. We didn’t have a lot of confidence in our ability to be appreciated and loved by other people, but I’m glad that’s changed in the last five years. I’m sorry that followed you around, and caused you shame, but it’s ultimately made us compassionate and much kinder. That’s a big win:)

I’m sorry that day you left your house key at school, and decided it would be a good idea to go MacGyver and put a stick in the keyhole. I’m also sorry you denied, denied, denied, even when everyone knew it was you.

I’m sorry that you equate being in control with being stable. I am also sorry that you sometimes keep such a tight grip on everything, and forget to relax. We need to work on that, and keep in mind that not being in control doesn’t meant we’re not responsible.

I’m sorry you waste time on reality television. I know it’s fun to zone out after a long day at work, but seriously, let’s do something else. I’m not sorry about Grey’s Anatomy nights, watching TLC, and watching this video over and over. Hey, a girl’s gotta have some guilty pleasures:)

I hope you accept my apologies, I can’t promise I won’t steer us wrong in the future, but I’ll sure as hell try harder now.

Love,
Cass