I’ve had all the words lately, but haven’t been in the mood to put them out there. Once I hit ‘publish’, there is no taking anything back, and I wouldn’t even want to. I just need to be ready, but I’m not.
I’ve been listening to a lot of Bon Iver, and this band, Radical Face:
It makes me want to float along, plugging my ears (of all things), and ignoring everyone.
I miss Tennessee pretty badly these days, and though I wouldn’t trade in my life here, I think I’ll always wonder. Of course, if I was there right now, I would still be wondering in the opposite way. If there is something to be grateful for, it’s my ability to not ‘get over’ things, because why would I want to? Why would anyone want to ‘be over’ something? I guess I understand that you should pick yourself up and move on from whatever it is that needs to be moved on from, but that experience did something to you. It changed you, it made you feel anger, sadness, happiness..why are people so fixtated on this idea that if something is over, you should just move on and forget it? Why are we so eager to put things behind us? I mean, what if ‘feeling whole’ means actually feeling something and not suppressing it. Maybe that makes me emotional, maybe that makes me stupid for allowing my feelings to dictate my moods and how I see people around me, but I feel like I am living.
Maybe this isn’t a good explanation of anything. I am just exhausted from being told how I should feel, why it’s silly if I don’t, and so on. It makes me want to cut off contact with those people in my life, leaving their toxins to blow in the other direction.
I wrote this entry entirely under the influence of the song above, but that probably doesn’t explain much either.
Happy Friday! Where has the week gone?