I don’t think my writer’s block has left, but at least I feel like writing again. Or rather, at least I feel like sharing.
November has arrived, quietly, and I have been finding that I welcome it. This means that my sister is getting married in only a few short weeks, my twenty eighth birthday is fast approaching, and 2012 is coming to a close. What a strange year it’s been, with the odd twists and turns of the summer, and the busy work schedule I keep myself on. I think I am ready for this year to be over, I think I have been ready for awhile.
I am going on a trip in February, an it will be the result of a lot of careful research and airline price watching. I haven’t purchased my ticket (tickets?) yet, or finalized any reservations, and I don’t feel extremely anxious. Just the fact that I can leave for awhile, do something on my own, feel something besides the same feelings I have every day…that is enough. For now, at least.
It’s been a weird time of internalizing everything instead of turning to this blog for my therapy. I guess I am finding that I need this space less and less, and that thought is actually kind of sad. A little like not seeing my best friend for awhile, because I just haven’t felt up to it, and then realizing that I don’t need to rely so heavily on him/her. How is that for strange? I have been gone for a month and when I come back, I start comparing this blog to my best friend. At any rate, it’s been my most constant companion for the past nine years, showing me myself over and over again.
Which reminds me of this quote:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life..”
If I am still talking about my blog here (and I am not even sure at this point where I am going with this), and I am the writer of this blog, then I am actually saying I am my own soulmate. Which sounds incredibly narcissistic, and confusing, and ridiculous…but I am only managing to make myself laugh over here. Whatever, I like that quote.
Well, this sure was a strange post that’s taken me three days to finish. I guess I still have writer’s block.