December Fourth.

Yesterday, I sent my first press release into the wild via a new channel. In the past, they have always been given directly to the media outlet of our choosing, exclusively giving whatever message we want to convey to a real human person. This time, I simply uploaded it to a website, scared out of my mind that nobody would notice and pick it up. I don’t know why I am always surprised when something works they way it should, but I am, and it totally did.

It was the first thing I checked this morning, and there it was. Sitting pretty at the beginning of the news for today, and people were starting to see it and they were putting our message out into the universe. I worked hard to write something good, something thoughtful and excited, and as I read every article this morning I realized something vital: nobody cared about what I wrote. It was the news they were after, not the carefully thought out sentences I stressed over getting perfect, just the simple news they found out from reading my headline. I don’t think I will ever stop stressing about getting it perfect, but I suppose it’s slightly comforting that nobody cares like I do. Only slightly.

Since I have been absent from this blog for a bit, I took some time this morning to revisit my entries this year. There aren’t a lot, but I took my time with each one, really thinking about what I was saying. This has not been a common theme with me throughout the years, as I tend to get in here and let it all go, and that is what I have always loved about writing. Letting it all go, and writing just to write. In this last year, I have tried to find a purpose to all of this, and I now can finally look back and truly appreciate what I’ve said.

Running just feels so good. My muscles tired and sore after the fact, but so brutally intact, and I feel alive again. Human again. God, what a feeling. There is nothing quite like the knowledge that someone understands, because isn’t that what we all want anyway? Someone who gets us, who sees deep down into that secret place and is like “Yeah, I totally see your point”, and you feel like you can breathe again. Someone fucking gets it. Except for me that someone isn’t actually a ‘someone’, but it’s how I see the universe as a whole, as my dearest friend who gets me regardless of the stupid shit I say and do. That someone sees me for exactly who I am and what I want to become, and steps aside when needed to say “Do it. Do it all“.

So many mistakes in that paragraph, but I honestly love it, every single word.

 

Back to work.

 

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