I’m going to Portland for the weekend, and I cannot wait to get out of this town.

I have been forcing myself to revisit old wounds, pick at them a little bit, and feel the sting. I don’t enjoy the pain, but it’s a good reminder when my mind gets cloudy and I can’t remember which way is up. This is going to happen for a long time to come, this silly little cycle of mine, and I’m okay with it. It’s important.

Last night I watched three hours of Grey’s Anatomy. I curled up on my couch and watched episodes that I already knew would be sad, but unable to tear myself away. The one with the train wreck was one of the saddest, and it came right in the middle of the whole “Derek choosing Addison over Meredith” thing…sad sad sad. Addison was SO BAD for him, and yet, he chose her even after she had proven herself unworthy. Why? Because he really thought he loved her, really thought that because they’d been through so much, they could really make it work in the long run. He abandoned Meredith just to go back to his awful ex.

Story of my summer.

As if that plot line wasn’t enough to stir my emotions, the train wreck was always in the background. The one were a pole had impaled two people on it, still alive, and one of them would have to die in order to save the other. I cried the first time I saw it, because the woman was so unselfish, even though she had every reason to want to live. I started to cry again last night and stopped myself…oh, television.

Yep. Portland. Needed.