“For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.”
The highest of highs, the lowest of lows, Love has transformed me throughout the years. Believing, as I do, that there are thousands of people in the world that could my soulmate has never steered me wrong. I’ve never given up the fairytale of love, but honestly, those things are better left to books and movies. Love is never easy….at least, that’s what I’ve always told myself.
My dad and my birth mother didn’t have a good marriage. In fact, she didn’t have a good marriage with anyone, and that left my sister and I to wonder if we would end up just like her. She was a difficult woman, and I don’t think she ever fully learned to love herself, therefore unable to give much love to anyone else either. Beautiful and smart in the very best ways, but that was her downfall. Turning her back on Love. I’ve always figured that the best relationships were ones that were born out of “trying” and “figuring it out”, and that if you really loved someone and really cared, you’d do whatever it took. Often at your own expense.
I think finally figured out what “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” means.
I haven’t realized until now, the definition of Love. What it truly means to know someone inside and out, what your energy does when it’s mixed together, what it means when you can look someone straight in the eye and feel no doubt about their feelings for you. In hindsight, I can say that I have never known that, whether it was the lack of confidence on my part, or that lack of emotion on theirs. In twenty five years, I have never know any of those things. Shocking? Not really. Because I was also wrong about one other thing:
There are not thousands of people that could be my soulmate. There is only one. One that surpasses everyone else on a level I never knew could exist.
“I feel it now…there’s a power in me to grasp and give shape to my world. I know that nothing has ever been real without my beholding it.”
I have dated many good men. I could call every single one of them (that lasted longer than a month) a good man, and at one time, I probably saw myself with each and every one. For who I was at the time, they were exactly what I needed, and they enabled me to spread my wings and fly higher than any time before. Still, nothing compares to being twenty five. Nothing compares to flying solo because I want to, and giving my love freely because it feels right. Nothing compares to timing.
Those dreamt up fairytales were only the beginning.
“Our being is continually undergoing and entering upon changes. … We must, strictly speaking, at every moment give each other up and let each other go and not hold each other back.”