My heart hasn’t ached in awhile. Not for the past anyway, and not for what I “can’t see” in the future.
Still, one year ago today, my heart was aching. I was trying to convince somebody (anybody) that I “knew” truths I couldn’t really have known then, and reading what I wrote….well, it makes my heart ache. I still remember those days, those days (months, years) leading up to the end, the final end. At the time, I would have given anything to feel the way I feel these days.
Except right now, for some reason, my heart aches.
Last year:
July 16th, 2009.
It is with deep rooted passion that I believe in the underlying truth. Nobody knows those “dark and twisty” parts of me, the parts without soul and kindness…nobody but him anyway. It works both ways really, weaving around and around until you’re back to where you started.
At the beginning of my life.
Well I wrote your name and burned it
See the color of the flame
And it burned out the whole spectrum
As if you were everything
Mine just burned gold
A normal flame
I am not anything
And all that I remember is the feeling of waking up
We were kids you were the sun to which my eyes would not adjust
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We were kids I was a fountain you could never drink enough
Then came all the boys who swept you up playing careless with your heart
Every night there was a new girl sitting beside me in my car
Something dies when you grow older
But you do the best you can
I am glad
I am glad
You found a good man