Oh, Life. You sexy bitch.
The world seems to be on fast forward these days. I’m always wondering if this is what happens when you get older, or if it’s just me. Not enough hours in the day, and days in the week, and so on. I feel like I am constantly talking about how fast everything is moving…but maybe it’s just my mind thinking.
Yesterday was the “anniversary” of my SDA baptisim. Six years later, and the video of it is so strange to watch. I was young (too young, even at nineteen) to understand what I was doing and what it meant to my life in the long run, but I understood why. Because it was the right thing to do, the right thing for my life in that moment, and I couldn’t have lived the life I have until this point without that morning.
God is such a strange topic for so many, but not for me. He is what all my “secrets of the universe” are about, my “smoke signals”, and barefoot walks. A lot of people have never understood that about me, because I don’t live by the rules of “good” and “pure”, but God has never been about that for me. He has always been LOVE. And nearly to a fault, I definitely love. I feel, I breathe deeply, I embrace the passion (good and bad), and I love.
I often wish people could have known me then. My best friends in Washington don’t know that girl, the one who hated herself, let herself be lost, and couldn’t look people in the eye. They can’t know that one summer (as summers often do) changed me forever, and even now, in the face of every change I have ever made to my life, that day remains the most significant. God saved me from myself, no judgement. And since then, it has been my goal to love like mad, even when it hurts.
We do what we have to do, to be Free.
If anything, the last six years have allowed me some perspective. I was always supposed to end up here. In this moment.