I don’t mind the rain, and I don’t mind the snow. I don’t mind the crap weather, because I know that eventually everything ends, and it will all have been worth it.
I wrote this last year:
I’ve been trying to put this into words for a few days now, without much success.
I feel fairly alone with my line of thinking, and it usually doesn’t bother me. Until I want to explain it anyway.
In general, people who “shrug their shoulders” bother me. It eats at something deep inside, to see someone shrug, or to hear the phrase “shit happens”. I don’t understand that, and I definitely don’t agree with it. Where is your passion?
ugh. This is just as difficult as it was yesterday.
Things are happening in our world right this second, and I can’t read about it anymore. I can’t watch the videos, because it’s scary, and because the growing need inside me is just so strong. I feel like I might break in two.
I wish I could scream, and shake everyone.
“Love your neighbor!! LOVE him regardless of the fact that his dog peed in your garden!”
“Stop yelling at people when you’re driving, just stop it!”
“That girl that wronged you? Let it go, stupid. She didn’t know any better.”
“The person who hurt your friend? It’s not a battle to fight on their behalf. Grow up and KNOCK it OFF.”
“That person who cut in line? Brush it off, it’s not worth the anger.”
I am so guilty of these things. Of holding in anger, of spreading anger and venting my irritation, and worse-of writing about it on this blog. It’s disgusting. So all the awful things happening in the world right now? I am partially to blame.
If I have learned anything from my spiritual walk of the last six or seven years, it’s that we get what we put out there. And the longer we put out anger and impatience with each other, the more the world is going to feel it, and give it right back to us. It’s terrifying, because it’s beyond my control, and the only thing I can do is change myself. The smoke signals, the burning sage, neither of those things are enough to change anything….it has to come from a real place.
We need to stop shrugging our shoulders.
I am taking back my actions from the past few weeks. Was I right in the things I said? Maybe, but that’s hardly the point. I can’t be any sort of “fuel to the fire” anymore. It starts and ends with me.
I hope I have been better about my energy this year. I hope that I have been kinder, more forgiving, and more grateful. I have found that I am a lot happier when I am aware of what I’m putting out there, even when I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from being honest about my feelings, I am still happier. I used to think that “life is too short” to not let people know what you think, when you think it, and why. Regardless of what happened after I finished “telling the truth”, I felt it was better to get it out, so it didn’t poison me by staying inside.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Letting people know my opinion regardless of what it caused wasn’t “cute” or “bold”, and it rarely made me feel better. If anything, it started more than it ended, and nobody won. I have tried to adopt the age old saying of “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”, and it has definitely made me happier. Because when I choose silence, I feel more empowered, and biting back those words is surprisingly easy. Most arguments just aren’t worth it anymore.
And even if it’s a small contribution, the energy I surround myself with is pretty damn sweet.