State of Cassie, August 2012

“But it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it’s all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.”

So here is where I am:

For the first time in my life, I am (truly) loving what I do. I know that I potentially made a huge mistake when I gave up school in search of adventure and ‘real life’, but we all have our paths, and I took mine. Has it been the easiest and most fulfilling? Not so much in recent years, no, but I am extremely happy today. I don’t have one negative thing to say about where I work, and the people I for with and for, so that is saying something. A whole lot, actually.

I have been having family issues. I think I’ve alluded to as much in this blog lately, but there, I wrote it out so there is no confusion. I am lucky enough to have bits of my family all over the place, but their alligence to one other gets a bit confusing, even for me. I have always considered myself ‘above the fray’, choosing to walk the other way when the drama wave comes a rollin’ towards the shore, because ‘being family’ doesn’t give anyone a free pass to act like an asshole. Or an idiot. Or just plain mean. I have always been this way, and I don’t consider it ‘mean’ or ‘uncaring’, I just enjoy being happy. It’s as simple as that.

While I won’t go into the “why” of these issues, I will say that they are taking their toll on my spirit. I am pretty angry, partly because I am twenty seven, and these issues just won’t die already. Partly because, well, because. Because I hate messes I can’t clean up, because I hate messes that aren’t mine but are in my space, because I hate when people lie/victimize/cheat/steal/act in any way that is less than a human being should act.

Yeah, this is something I am obviously working out with myself.

My personal life is, well, personal I suppose. I enjoy living with my boyfriend, I enjoy watching The Newsroom together, and I enjoy having a space that isn’t overrun with dudes. I liked my old living situation, but it was very ‘dude’, and I need to be a girl sometimes. I like my neighborhood, I like riding the bus, and I like the smell of the water every single morning. Once upon a time, I would have gone into more detail to make sure everyone knew how awesome I thought my life was, but now my personal life is personal and that’s all I’m giving anyone.

Okay, I have been trying to write this since yesterday and I keep getting distracted. Time for me to lose myself in some gaming.

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