“The last hermit was found and dragged out into the world. Most might find his existence sad but the hermit knew something we didn’t. He knew that when it comes down to it, even when you’re with someone or in the noisy rush of people, it’s just you. The one you can count on and lean on and depend on. It has to be you, and once you figure that out, being alone becomes a choice.”
I have serious writer’s block these days. The amount of entries I have started and stopped in the last month alone is staggering, and even this entry has taken a good portion of the past week, and no amount of music or inspiration is managing to make the block smaller.
Today is Valentine’s Day. It is not a holiday I remember caring about after grade school, when your popularity was in direct correlation to how many Valentine’s filled the pathetic paper bag hanging off the side of your desk. All week, the only thing that mattered about today was the fact that the weather was supposed to be perfect and I wanted to be at the beach. I am still in what I like to call “Seattle mode” where every beautiful day needs to be taken advantage of, exposed, celebrated. I am constantly forgetting that these beautiful days are going to happen all year long now that I live in Los Angeles. All day I could only feel lucky, my heart full and overflowing as I sat on the beach alone, soaking in the soundtrack of waves, conversations, seagulls, my own thoughts. “It has to be you” took me a long time to learn, but oh god, the liberation that comes with that knowledge.
This is who I want to be.