Oh, what a weekend.
My birthday is in three days, and it’s taken me until this moment to feel some excitement about it. My actual birthday, not my party this weekend…because THAT I am excited for.
The actual day is Thursday, and it’s a big year for me. Officially, I’ll be twenty five, but internally, I’m not sure how old I feel. I was certain that at this point in my life, I would be ready (or already there) for the “next” step in life. The grown up steps that I am now uncertain of, and can’t really define. Twenty five is such a grown up age to be, and I feel slow.
However, I have made some big choices in the last few months, and I am positive that this year is going to bring something special. Even if I end up living alone the entire year and don’t save much in my savings account, it won’t be as bad and painful as last year. I hope.
I hope that nobody dies. I hope that people stay sane. I hope I don’t burn bridges, and people don’t burn mine. I hope this year is impossibly mine this time.
I spent yesterday looking at houses to buy. Not for me, but for someone else. Someone who, realistically, could take that next step if they wanted to. To “settle down” and be a “grown up”, and it was wonderful. To dream, to hope, to watch and listen. It was a very domestic sort of day, the kind I never thought I’d find again (it’s been so long), and very unexpected. But beautiful.
“all we can do is keep breathing now…”
[07 Dec 2008 | Sunday]
People never move on. Ever.
For myself, I can tell you that I haven’t moved on from most of the things in my past. Grown, yes. Realized the importance of time, yes. But moved on? Not so much.
They will always be a part of me. I don’t regret a single second of allowing them to consume me, and especially in moments like these, I am desperately grateful for not moving on.
The important thing is (and I cannot stress this enough) that my memories aren’t affecting anyone but me. My relationships don’t suffer, they don’t make other people miserable or hurt, and they don’t allow a moment of question to my character. That is growth. That is coming to terms.
“But Ive said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it don’t matter who you are
If I’m doing my job then its your resolve that breaks.”
I’m incredibly excited for Saturday:) Yay Glam-bots!