December Fifteenth.

“I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will.”

I have a busy week happening as I type this, and as much as I KNOW that I shouldn’t be “wasting” time writing, I really do want to.

Jonathan came over last night, and it was nice to see him. Nice to know he’s still alive, sort of okay, and his usual self. I feel that getting older has shaken something inside me, and a little voice that keeps saying “Don’t let certain people go”. Our romantic relationship is over, but our friendship isn’t, and it probably never will be. The pain of loss didn’t lessen my feelings for him as a person, but brought me to the realization that I want something more, something secure and loving.

Three more days, and my four year anniversary in Washington will be upon me. What a difference four years makes, and what a difference a single year makes. As always, I feel that I have changed significantly, but not enough to be someone different. I’m still me, just happier and wiser, stronger and more confident. If that is what the end of the most significant relationship (so far, anyway) brought me, then I will gladly take it and be happy.

One of my best friends from Tennessee is coming out for New Years, and I couldn’t be more excited. THIS year it’s different, and I can’t wait to look 2010 full in the face and say “Bitch, bring it on.”

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