Yesterday did not go as planned. Things rarely do, and I the feeling of falling came swiftly.
Finally, when I was able to talk it out, the feeling left. I cried, felt loss and anguish, but I felt better. That is a sign of a healthy relationship, the knowledge that you can talk it out, cry if you have to, but that they’ll still be there at the end of it all. Knowing that I can be honest about my feelings, and not fear the reaction, that is a monumental feeling.
It frees me. It reminds me that I’m worth something. It makes me want that for the rest of my life.
I heard an old song last night, right in the midst of my breakdown, and I felt lighter. I have found what I’ve waited for my entire life, and I can deny it and be scared all I want, but it’s real. And it has waited for me too.
“breathe out, so I can breathe you in…”
Two days until Christmas.
[23 Dec 2008 | Tuesday]
december twenty third.
I got SO MUCH accomplished today. I can hardly believe it, but with all the good that came out of these last twelve hours, the only person to really thank is myself.
Five days ago, it was my three year anniversary in Washington. I left Tennessee on December 15th, and got here around noon on the 18th. I hauled ass across the states, and could hardly wait to start my new adventure here.
And believe me, Washington has yet to let me down.
Finally, after three years, I have accomplished exactly what I set out to do. Total independence. The events of today proved it, and I am just so damn proud.
Not to say that I don’t need anyone, because deep down, I love sharing my life with people. The point is, everything I have worked so hard for (the sweat and tears especially) has actually been for something.
I have the next two days off for the first time EVER. So if anyone wants to get together for minute (or needs a good hug) let me know. I’ll be around:)