Yesterday, my brain felt like the inside of J’s UPS truck. FULL and OVERFLOWING. I was everywhere, all day long, and by the time I got home, I couldn’t speak.
Today, I am hoping for calmer times, and the chance to get some work done on my growing list of projects. It’s Thursday, I’m staying in Seattle tonight, and Grey’s Anatomy is on:) I wait all week for today, and so no matter what really happens today, it’ll all turn out okay at 6pm when I drive ten minutes down the road home.
Just for fun, I’m posting an entry from this day last year. A lot has changed, but it’s interesting how some things never will. The irritation, for one, hasn’t changed. I don’t know why (and I say this a lot) I ever thought it would be any different, but I can say that I do believe in luck now. I’m blessed, and lucky, and that’s all that truly matters.
November 18th, 2009
This entry was almost something else entirely.
It was almost angry, and detailing my hate for all the things in this life that continue to follow me around, even after I’ve left them behind. It was irritated, and though I was trying to be as diplomatic as possible given the fact that I was seeing red, I wasn’t having much success.
Some people can really push me over the edge, and last night was one of those nights.
I felt all the old feelings I was working to extinguish. Watched as the memories flooded my brain and made it hard to think beyond it all, then wondered (for the millionth time) why the hell I care so much anyway? Old habits die hard. Old memories die slowly.
Last night, however, I realized the awesome power of good people. Even in the middle of my anger and hate filled rant, I found calm and peace in the form of another human being, and not even in the flesh. On the phone, which speaks to their incredible positive energy, and to my ability to be affected by such things. It was as if I belonged there, in that moment, feeling whatever it was that I was feeling but allowing myself to come down from it and be okay.
These past two months have been the best and most eye opening that I’ve had all year, maybe longer. I always knew my worth, but to know that other people can see it too, that is a feeling that cannot be explained. To know that life can be so effortless sometimes, and happiness can be so easy…those are amazing treasures that I had almost forgotten about.
So, this entry was almost something else, but not today. Today it’s all “unicorns and rainbows”, and I am completely okay with that.