Hurry up and wait.

“Because, let’s be honest: there are too many example of magic and miracles in this world to say with any certainty that there isn’t something fantastically wonderful going on here.”

This might be the first of many entries dedicated to Kelly Cutrone’s “If You Have to Cry, Go Outside”, or it might be the single one in a long list of entries I wish I could write. Either way, I finished reading that book three days after I bought it, and I’m glad I devoured that baby.

For me to sit here and say “I am not what I do for a living” over and over again, it’s liberating. That has always been my struggle, feeling like I am defined by whatever I choose for a career, with an overwhelming sense of being boxed in. I love the creative field I’ve chosen, with the wacky cast of characters, crazy concepts, and I-wanna-pull-my-hair-out moments. I just get so restless, and for a long time, I’ve wondered if there is anything in this world that will capture my complete attention, giving way to the urge I have to exist and be grateful.

My ideal existence? A simple citizen of the world.

Working in another country, traveling, seeing new things, experiencing new things, meeting everyone and just breathing. That is exactly what I want for my life. To know and see the world around me, being a part of it, feeling the energy of it. It’s the most selfish thing I could want for my life, because it excludes everyone I know, and leaves me to myself…free to roam.

However,

“You can’t drift along forever…you have to direct your thinking. For instance you have to decide whether you’re going to be liberal or conservative. You have to take some sort of stand. You have to associate with some sort of cause.”

Because I also believe that, I frequently bring myself to back to reality. Just because I want more constantly, that’s not to say that I am not incredibly happy where I am. I am just insanely motivated to get everything I can out of what surrounds me. I need to channel this energy into something else, and lately, it’s been politics and world events (if you follow my tweets on Twitter, you’ll see annoying evidence of this). Dropping everything to run out into the world with wild abandon isn’t the answer for me, as much as I wish it was, and even if a part of me still thinks it “could” be possible someday.

Hmm, I think this entry just served as therapy for me over the two days it’s taken me to write this.

Okay Wednesday, I’m ready for you.

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