He, who is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:1-2

I had an entirely different entry written for today, one that has taken me weeks to even complete, and it was almost finished. Then, this happened:

I’m fairly certain most of you have seen this, and if you haven’t, welcome to 2012. My journey to God was an intensely private one, and was propelled by my need to make sense of my life. Unless you’re raised a certain way, I feel like most people take that same path, being prompted to make sense of something and seeking God. It took me a long time to come to terms with saying it outloud, because everyone reacts differently, and I’ve found that more often it is ‘cringe worthy’ to mention God or Jesus in casual conversation. Rightfully so, there is a cloud that follows ‘Christians’, especially now in 2012. It’s strange that the more we know, the less we are willing to tolerate, or maybe I notice it more now that I am in my late twenties.

I chose the Seventh Day Adventist church because it made the most sense to me. They believe certain things that make sense in my brain, and for awhile I felt so welcome and whole being in their presence. Spending time working at camp in California was the most enlightening and empowering experience I have ever had in my life, and I have the SDA church to thank for that. I will never apologize for believing in God, for actually striving to be the light myself, but I won’t pretend to agree that what the bible says is gold.

“All that glitters is not gold…”

What I took away from that time in my life was how to truly love myself. It was, and is, the most important thing I have learned to this day. My father taught me how to manage my money, my mother taught me how to keep a clean house, and learning about God taught me how to love myself. Maybe my brain is especially weird, because what I took away from everything was that God is Love. Not my judge, not my ‘father’, but my awesome friend who lifted me up constantly while patiently explaining that I was worthy of every good thing the world had to offer me. He is the same friend who opened my eyes a little wider to appreciate the beauty around me, and as cliche as it sounds, I have never once gone through a day without seeing something I wish I could hold and capture in my mind forever. I don’t think of God has a man up in the clouds, watching over me with wise eyes, but more as a general good example of what humanity should be like.

Not once in my journey did it ever occur to me that I could/should judge someone else for their lifestyle. Never once did it occur to me that “God hates gay people”, because ‘the bible says’ that marriage is between a man and a woman. I have never doubted for a second that all God wants me to do is paitently love other people, listen with kindness, and not rush to judgment. So, to watch the video above, it makes my heart sink a little. To know that my feelings are not the majority, and that we have people spreading hate in the name of everything I hold so dear and beautiful to my heart, it actually hurts.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12

I am not a perfect person, and I will judge the shit out of you if you’re rude or insensitive. I obviously say curse words, and my boyfriend and I are about to live together without being married. I am not perfect, but I try to be that damn light every single day because I owe it to myself to be a good person. I owe it to myself to try, and I owe it to the people around me to ‘live and let live’, because at the end of the day: we’re all the same. None of us have those answers that we seek from religion, or books, or each other, and it would be ignorant to think that we do. It would be ignorant to think that we, and we alone, know what the Bible truly means.

“And all the little ants are marching
Red and black antennas waving
They all do it the same
They all do it the same way”
-Dave Matthews

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