I am sure this entry will land me in all kinds of ‘interesting’ trouble, but I am almost twenty eight, I just don’t care. Before I start, I am going to anticipate the reaction for a moment, and say for the five bazillionth time: This blog is not Facebook. Who even reads this anyway? A handful of people? Definitely not the 186 friends I have on Facebook.
side note: How do I have that many friends on Facebook? Seems odd considering I know “maybe” four of them would come to a birthday party this weekend if I asked.
I will tell you what was left to see by those 186 friends of mine though:
First off, I cannot even imagine speaking to anyone this way, let alone one of my sisters. Second, posting it on Facebook? I can’t understand how anything I said provoked this reaction, but yeah, that is my younger sister. The one I went to Montana for back in June, and the sister who insists that family should be able to say and do whatever they want because they’re family. Our last visit prompted this entry, and six months of time has not erased those memories from my mind.
At first, I chose to be angry. Angry because I didn’t deserve that post on Facebook, angry because I didn’t deserve to be called a “low sorry piece of trash” in a separate conversation. Angry because the week before, she had asked me if I thought it would be “okay to ask Becca to pay for half a plane ticket” so she could come to Becca’s wedding (for the record, that’s not okay, and I said so). I chose to be angry because during the entire wedding planning for Becca, our younger sister can only complain about “how she can’t come” and how “she doesn’t want to hear about it because she can’t be a part of it”, but she went and spent money on a trip to New Orleans with her friends. She doesn’t ask how we are or how our lives are going, everything is always about her and her feelings. When I dared to call her out on that fact, I got shit on, and I chose to be angry.
So, why am I am putting this on my blog? Why am I calling her out further, and risking a temper tantrum when it’s kind of obvious that I should just “let it go” and walk away?
Because I am not angry anymore, I am incredibly sad. Sad that I ever thought I could have the kind of ‘sister relationship’ I wished we could. Sad that she thinks her shitty treatment of me (and my older sister, who does a lot more for her than I do) is completely justified and okay. Sad because, honestly, it hurts to be called a ‘piece of trash’ by your own family member. And sad because I can’t try anymore, with anyone, for any reason. You are either “in”, or you are “out”, and there is no in-between. There is certainly no room in my life for malicious behavior, and that goes for everyone, “family” or not.
So, I am risking that tantrum to make a point.
You sure showed me.